Author's note: The idea for this article has been blatantly stolen from Bill Simmons on ESPN.com. I'm not sure the Nouvelle has the ability to win a potential lawsuit against ESPN but Bill seems like a nice guy and I like to think he might approve.
This is the big one. Ultimate Fighting Championship 116, Lesnar vs. Carwin, two absolute monsters that will (hopefully) tear the living shreds off each other in tonight's main event. This diary is coming to you live from the Players Lounge and brought to you by Bud Light, who will be fuelling my note taking.
7:43 p.m. – A colleague and I begin our journey from the Nouvelle office to the Players Lounge. Just before entering, I'm approached by an intoxicated man in an Xtreme Couture shirt in the Players parking lot who claims that he knows me. I smile, tell him I have no idea who he is and slowly walk away.
7:44 p.m. – We arrive, pay our $15 for cover and find an open table.
7:45 p.m. – It looks to me like the Players Lounge has reached their limit for tattooed angry males in Affliction apparel but I'm proven wrong as patrons of that description saunter in behind us.
7:47 p.m. – I get asked for identification from our lovely server Sasha. I guess it's true, they do ask for ID if you appear to be under 30 in Alberta, who knew?
7:55 p.m. – The preliminary fights are being shown on Spike TV, Gerald Harris slams Dave Branch down and knocks him out cold. The large crowd at Players cheers. Nothing like seeing a man get his head slammed so hard that he is unconscious to kick off the night.
8:00 p.m. – A number of the TVs at the Players Lounge are still on Spike as the pay per view begins. Star Wars is apparently the follow-up for UFC and patrons look around, confused. I know I definitely didn't pay money to watch Star Wars. The last time I did, Jar Jar Binks gave me a headache I still suffer from.
8:01 p.m. – The waitresses quickly scramble and change all the channels to the pay per view. Disaster averted.
8:05 p.m. – The inebriated fellow from the parking lot stumbles over to our table and sits down with us, proceeding to tell us his life story. Apparently his name is “Larry” and he's from the Maritimes. It's always great to meet new friends, especially friends that drink excessively.
8:11 p.m. – Larry moves on to the next table beside us. I feel a little used. He then gets reprimanded by the waitress and sheepishly makes his way back to his original table.
8:15 p.m. – As Sasha brings me my third beverage of the evening, Larry makes his way back to our table and seems upset. He insists that I know someone named Ken Oswald who is dating a girl named Missy. I tell him I have no idea what he's talking about and he calms down and returns to his original table.
8:30 p.m. – The crowd roars as a fighter gets taken down near the end of the round.
8:32 p.m. – The first match goes to a judges decision and it appears that George Stroumboulopoulos just won a UFC fight. Man, between his gig at the CBC, his radio show and other interests I find it amazing that he can train and win mixed martial arts fights too. Oh, my bad it was George Sotiropoulos. Not a bad opener.
8:40 p.m. – Stephan Bonnar versus Krzysztof Soszynski is next. I'm cheering for Bonnar basically because I don't like spelling the other guys name.
8:43 p.m. – Larry returns to the table.
8:46 p.m. – Bonnar takes Soszynski down and the crowd roars, he follows it up with a nice roundhouse kick.
8:50 p.m. – Huge round of applause from the entire bar after round one.
8:53 p.m. – The crowd lets out a collective gasp after Bonnar nails Soszynski with a vicious knee and then follows it up with a flurry of punches. Ref stoppage, Bonnar wins.
8:54 p.m. – Hearty round of applause from all in attendance at Players for Bonnar.
8: 56 p.m. – No sign of our friend Larry at his table again.
9:08 p.m. – Larry returns to his table.
9:10 p.m. – Larry is escorted out of the building by what appears to be security.
9:12 p.m. – Online poll from the UFC says that it's 50/50 on the Lesnar/Carwin fight. Personally, I refuse to bet against Brock. We'll see though.
9:15 p.m. – Chris Lytle makes Matt Brown tap out via armbar but then probably feels like an idiot when Brown leaves him hanging for a high five after the match is done. I'm not sure what's more embarrassing, losing or being denied a high five. I'd say both hurt equally.
9:24 p.m. – Yoshihiro Akiyami enters the octagon for his match against Chris Leben.
9:28 p.m. – We ask Sasha about our friend Larry and she says that he's been going in and out since 5:30 p.m. She also confirms that he has not been kicked out, he just continuously wanders away. What a guy.
9:31 p.m. – Chris Leben gets kicked in the testicles and every male in Players groans. It's unlikely Leben will ever be able to reproduce again.
9:35 p.m. – My sixth beverage of the night arrives. I'm not sure I ordered it but I'll take it.
9:37 p.m. – The crowd is loving the stand up exchange between Leben and Akiyami, awesome fight so far.
9:46 p.m. – After being outmatched in the first two rounds, Leben traps Akiyami in a triangle choke and makes him tap. The crowd goes bonkers. This is a star making moment for Leben.
9:54 p.m. – Pontiacs play-by-play man and KOOL morning show host Robb Hunter arrives at Players and sits down with us. Apparently big shot radio stars like him don't have to pay cover though. He settles in just in time for the main event.
10:08 p.m.- Lesnar and Carwin square off. Carwin is a lot bigger than I thought.
10:10 p.m. – Carwin is destroying Lesnar with his fists. If this wasn't a main event title match, the ref might have stopped this one by now.
10:11 p.m. – Lesnar's face is busted open and he doesn't look good. Never seen anyone do this to Lesnar before. He survives round one though, barely.
10:14 p.m. – Crowd is jacked for round two, everyone's eyes at Players are glued to the TVs.
10:17 p.m. – Lesnar seems calm in round two. He takes Carwin down and then chokes him out. Carwin taps. Wow. Totally didn't see that coming. Great fight though. Brock proved he can take a beating.
10:18 p.m. – Robb Hunter starts a “refund” chant
10:21 p.m. – Carwin swears twice during his post match interview, you've got to love pay per view.
10:31 p.m. – I win a random draw and get to choose my prize.
It's either a Seattle Seahawks or Buffalo Bills hat. Seeing as the west side is obviously the best side, I take the Hawks hat.
We continued the rest of our night at an undisclosed location that begins with a “W” and ends in an “etlander”. As for Larry, please be on the lookout for a friendly Maritimer, unless, however, your name is Ken or Krissy.
