No alarm bells, shrieks or giant lizards stepping on defending armies, or marshal-law, but this disaster is still scary
Mr. Spock! Quick. Raise the deflector shields! Chewie, turn off the stabilizer beams and punch it, fuzzball! Captan Stubing, the alarms are sounding in the aft boiler room and Isaac’ s screaming behind his bar!
When disaster strikes on the big or little screen - or even when a local lifeguard notices the presence of a ‘fecal incident’ in the local pool - things happen very quickly and emotions are on high.
Avoid the Klingon death ray! Get us out of this asteroid field! The Love Boat will not become the Titanic on my watch! Everyone out of the pool!
It’ s all quite active. Alarms sound, disaster is imminent, waters churn, evasive measures take place, eyes dart and search for safety ... it’ s up to the brave and the confident to muscle or think their way out of danger. Quick thinking has to take place as the world panics around you. Alarm bells, people screaming, lots of waving hands, perhaps a bit of looting, and of course the one person who trips and falls and must either be carried to safety or makes the ultimate sacrifice as the dark forces of the disastrous event take over.
A state of Agricultural Disaster is being pondered for the Lac La Biche area. No rain, lots of grasshoppers ... worse yet, thirsty grasshoppers ... have turned the region, and much of the province, into arid land. Crops are faultering, animals that rely on grains are in danger, livelihoods are at stake. The alarms are sounding, Captain Kirk’ s ride is in peril, there’ s something floating in the kiddie pool ... this is an emergency. No kidding.
It is a very serious matter that affects thousands in our region alone. And by no means is this article full of whimsy meant to downplay the seriousness.
But what created the thought behind this was the complete let down I went through this week when I read some of the comments in Alex’ s story that will be in the POST this week about the pending decision to declare a state of Agricultural Disaster in Lac La Biche County.
In the story, a County spokesperson Julie MacIsaac says declaring a state of agricultural disaster is a symbolic gesture to give voice to the issue.
“While this declaration in itself may not result in aid, it signals to the provincial and federal governments that relief programs may be sought,” said MacIsaac. “There is no specific threshold or policy at the County for declaring a state of agricultural disaster.
Julie? What? Really?
There’ s no screaming, running, alarms or secret phone codes initiated by at least two upper level politicians who can only activate the designation by punching in the codes at exactly the same time? It’ s a declared state of disaster ... and there’ s not even cool army trucks rolling through our streets enforcing state-ordered curfews?
And get this - even during a municipally-imposed state of disaster, even the Booza’ s ice cream hut on Main Street can keep its door open. Really? But after all I’ ve learned in popular media, couldn’ t there be a little bit of ‘oh-my-gosh-the-shark-is-back-get-out-of-the-water-get-owwwwwww-ahhhhhhhh-blub-gurgle-blub-blub’ ?
A state of disaster. It’ s just a name. A headline. A marquee. We’ ll probably get the provincial or federal assistance we require if the situation continues to decline, but they’ d give us that help even if we don’ t officially declare to be in an actual state of emergency. It just feels hollow.
It’ s like watching your favourite action heroes in a plane as it hurtles toward the ground with its engines on fire. Instead of McGyver-ing some crazy cool parachute -slash-bungee-slash-hang-glider out of LED light tubing, a seat cushion and the drink cart, they simply walk to the back of the plane, casually open a cupboard marked “In Case of Emergency, this will save you with no panic at all” and pull out a box that says “Engine fire-putter-outer & restarter” They push the button on the box, the plane rights itself and continues on its way to Amsterdam. Done. No fuss.
No. That’ s not how it should be.
Agricultural drought is a serious thing and although the important thing is to get the assistance our producers and growers truly need, wouldn’ t it be just a little more ‘cool’ to have some kind of flashing lights or sirens that go off all over the region to quench the thirst of those of us who need to drink up the drama and excitement associated with a state of disaster that looks more like the streets of Tokyo when Godzilla storms in?
