Like many people, I grew up with the idea of someday getting married, starting a family and then gradually getting old alongside work and a couple family vacations to Cape Cod or Disney World. Maybe even taking a few more trips to some exotic places with the misses when we eventually sold the farm, metaphorically speaking (I’m not a farmer). I can recall having visions of these future events or places for as long as I can remember. However, it is only now that I have another vision: being on my own.
I’ve been doing a lot of research lately about the increasing popularity of people living on their own and, for the most part, not getting seriously attached to a member of the opposite, or same depending how you swing, sex.
A new book by Eric Klinenberg called Going Solo addresses this topic. A sociology professor at New York University, the author points out that there are more people living alone in North America than at any other point in history. Statistics Canada, as of 2006, says 11 per cent of Canadians over the age of 15 live alone and I am one of them, sort of. I share a house with somebody, however, I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks so it feels like I live alone. Besides, before moving to St. Paul I lived in three different apartments in a city by myself so it’s certainly something I’m used to, but the reason why was never quite clear to me.
I really enjoy having my own space, having the time to do things I want to, but most importantly having the freedom to do it. Getting married and eventually having a few Munchkins running around the place might make things a little more complicated. Heck, it makes things a lot more complicated. It's not a bad thing obviously as I’ve heard your kids become the most interesting and delightful human beings you will ever meet.
Let’s back up a bit though and let me assure you this isn’t some diatribe about how important it is to stay single and live alone. There seems to be a preconceived set of guidelines many younger people think about and abide by, which almost puts falling in love with someone under a doomsday clock, especially for those older singletons. I'm aware of the body clock for women in particular who would like to have children, but we are currently in the midst of a divorce revolution where most marriages are likely to end in divorce (43.1 per cent of marriages are expected to end in divorce before a couple reaches their 50th anniversary, according to Stats Canada.) Society has in turn become much more accepting of divorces, yet why is there still a race to get married and have children?
I’m sure everyone has at least one friend or family member they’re worried about who has remained single or perhaps lived alone for a considerably long time. You probably think it’s making them isolated, anti-social and is an overall precursor to some form of depression. According to Klinenberg, however, this may indeed be the opposite as living alone and being single encourages those to meet new people and try new things. It allows time for it and most of all it doesn’t leave room for any, shall we say, ‘ankle biters’ if they wish to travel or focus solely on work.
Just because someone is going solo now doesn’t mean they always will. I believe it’s important for younger people to know that not hurrying to the altar, or wherever you prefer to get hitched, is something that’s totally OK. The more time you spend with yourself and hold out for marriage, the more you'll understand what you’re looking for and increase your own likelihood of finding the right person you truly want to be with.
History, traditions and advice from parents, grandparents or even great-grandparents is there to be learned from, but shouldn’t be necessarily followed to a T. The search for self-realization is upon us, women are free from traditional economic and sexual constraints and there is no shame in enjoying your own company, putting your own dreams or goals first and then doing what you need to achieve them. With that I’ll leave you with a quote from my favourite movie from the ‘90s: “Have fun, stay single.”
