The other night I caught myself watching a talk on the website TED. It was passed midnight, and I probably should have been in bed, but I tend to be a somewhat nocturnal person and the title of the video caught my attention.
The video was called “Why 30 is not the new 20,” and I guess now it’s obvious why the title grabbed me. Being someone now in their late 20s, and being married to someone who is now in his early 30s, I felt that whatever was contained in the video would be relevant.
And it was. Mostly, it made me realize that (maybe) I have been living my life in a smart way. There have been many people who are surprised by the fact that I already have a six-year-old son, along with a two-year-old son, a career (two careers actually), and I have been with my husband for a total of 10 years, being married for over six of those years. We have also built a house, and turned it into a home that we are proud of, all before we reached the age of 30.
Although being youthful at 30 is certainly something to admire and aspire to, the thought that ‘30 is the new 20’ does kind of bother me, because for many people it means that being in your 20s is simply an extension of your teenage years.
A psychologist named Meg Jay who specifically treats 20-something-year-olds did the speech on TED. She spoke about how there are many young adults who seek her help because they are basically unsure of the path their life has taken as they approach 30 years old.
She described the phenomenon that is seeing many people in their 20s living extended adolescent periods, and reaching their 30s with no idea of a career and also having a late start at beginning a family.
She explains that although most people are aware that the first five years of a child’s life are crucial to their development, most aren’t aware that the period of an adult’s life that is scientifically proven to be the most crucial is in fact their 20s.
Now, Jay certainly wasn’t encouraging people to get married and have kids as soon as they hit their 20s, and she wasn’t telling people to pick a career as soon as they get out of high school and stick with it, even if they hate it. She was simply telling people to not let their 20s pass them by. And she encouraged people to make those crucial years count.
Young adults should be using their 20s to actively seek out their careers and meaningful relationships, not work dead-end jobs and live with partners who they could never envision spending the rest of their lives with. She pushed people to look outside their inner circles and seek opportunities for relationships and careers by reaching out to friends of friends of friends, because that is where most opportunities come from.
After listening to the 14-minute talk, I felt reassured, and I have to admit, I felt a little proud of myself. I really believe in seizing opportunities when they arise, and although my path certainly isn’t everyone’s ideal path, it is mine and I think it’s been pretty productive so far.
