My aunt once said to me, “If you care about people, you’ll make the effort.”
It was a month before my wedding, and while I had planned to make the trip to see her in Winnipeg, between work and the wedding, it didn’t look like it would happen.
When I told her that I wouldn’t be able to make it, I was surprised to hear how disappointed she was, which is when she said those words to me.
I felt the sting of guilt, recognizing I hadn’t made as much of an effort as she had over the years to stay in touch.
When I finally made the trip to Winnipeg a couple of years ago, kids and husband in tow, we had such a wonderful time. It reminded me of so many noisy, boisterous Indian family gatherings over the years, filled with people talking over each other, teasing each other mercilessly and all foods – including the lasagna – filled with the zing of spice, that I wondered, ‘What took me this long?’
Since then, that phrase has stuck in my mind again and again - “If you care about people, you’ll make the effort.”
I think of it when I get updates from my cousins in India, who never miss an opportunity to share old embarrassing photos or memories, and I feel a pang of longing to see them again, to smell the smoke of food cooking outside, the muggy nights on the beach, and the noisy call of street vendors. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve visited India, and even though it’s a long way from here, and an expensive trip to make, I will do it someday to see them again.
Last week, an old friend of ours from journalism school unexpectedly and suddenly passed away, reminding me again of my aunt’s words. I had seen that he had been working in a sister paper in Alberta, and whenever I saw his tweets or articles pop up, I thought to get in touch with him. The people I met in J-School were amazing forces of humour, intelligence and energy, and Paul was no different – meeting them shaped me, matured me, and gave me the courage to follow my passions and dreams in work and life.
But I never did get in touch with him, and when I learned it was too late, that I would not get that chance again, I felt a wave of regret not to somehow, some way give voice to that feeling in my heart.
The world of communication is so much easier now than it was 100 years ago, a time when immigrants left their homes and sailed to new lands, never to see or hear from their loved ones again. Showing you care doesn’t have to involve extravagant gestures or flying to the ends of the earth; some of the most powerful messages are simple ones – an unexpected postcard in the mail, a flower delivery at a low time, or even just picking up the phone to say, “How are you?”
I know I personally have been overwhelmed by how many people have come to visit us in our somewhat out-of-the-way home in St. Paul and how many people have blessed us and enriched us in other ways, ways that I never take for granted.
I know I have a lifetime ahead of paying it forward but I plan to, because I know that my aunt was right: “If you care about people, you’ll make the effort.”
