The topic of self-esteem came up at a recent junior high school event in Ashmont, and although it’s surprising to read the negative words on a page, describing how young girls often describe themselves, it’s a topic that woman of all ages can relate to.
Growing up, I remember feeling unattractive. And the target group of students that heard country musician Tiffany Dowhan speak last week are very close to the same age that I recall feeling most uncomfortable in my own skin.
Throughout junior high, I had many ups and downs. I remember constantly wanting to change my appearance, and never being really sure where I fit in. Honestly, I think I still have those days, but thankfully, they are not near as often or hard to deal with as when I was 13 years old.
Over the years, maturity takes over and I’ve learned that being happy hardly has anything to do with my appearance. Being healthy, and being surrounded by people who love me is worth so much more than a pretty face or perfect body, something motherhood certainly taught me.
Being a parent has taught me other things about self-esteem. The other day, my seven-year-old son was talking to me about how he believed he was the best goalie on the playground. Despite sometimes being shy and at times a bit withdrawn, the kid rarely seems to look down on himself.
Even when he’s struggling with his homework, I don’t think I’ve ever heard my son put himself down. He may not be the best at everything, but even at seven years old, he acknowledges that what’s important to him is that he simply tries his best.
He’s proud that he can do additions in his head better than me, and when he only gets half his spelling words correct on a test, he doesn’t seem to worry.
When he made the comment about being the best goalie ever, I caught myself telling him that maybe he shouldn’t think too highly of himself. I then wondered if I was being too hard on him, but realized, like most things in life, it’s about balance.
Looking in the mirror and feeling ugly isn’t right. Children need to learn that beauty comes from the inside. But looking in the mirror and thinking you’re more attractive than most isn’t right either.
In a way, I hope my son continues to be blissfully oblivious to his faults. But, acknowledging faults or weaknesses isn’t always a bad thing – in fact, it’s probably the best way to grow and learn. Discovering what makes a person unique is what finding beauty is all about.
