When I told my husband I was writing a column about the dirty ‘f’ word, he groaned. We’ve been through this one before, but yet the word “feminism” keeps popping up in our household. It’s one that seems to get an instant, negative reaction from many people. I bet some of you reading have already dismissed me as a crazy bra burner, when the only thing I can usually ignite is toast.
It might surprise a few to know that feminism’s definition is a belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, as actress Emma Watson, a UN Women Goodwill ambassador, explained in a well-received speech recently. “Gender equality is your issue too,” she said in her message to men.
On a global scale, there are many issues that underscore how far feminism has yet to come, from the barbaric punishments for women accused of adultery, the killings of women deemed to have sullied their families’ honour, or the rampant cases of rape and assaults in places like South Africa and India. I’ve experienced firsthand the casual menace surrounding women in places like India and it emphasizes how lucky we are in comparison to live where we do.
Still, feminism has further to go in the developed world too. It goes beyond the ability for women and men to compete equally for the same jobs and be paid the same to do that job (although that is still an issue), but how men and women are both under strain to meet conscribed roles and obligations, that women dressing a certain way can be shunned as sluts or dismissed for molestation as “asking for it;” that they be the primary care-givers for children; that it is OK they are paraded around like meat in beauty pageants, or that they live up to the look of airbrushed models on magazine covers, etc. etc.
Men are subject to a lot of unfair yardsticks as well, as my husband points out – to be the chief breadwinner for the family, to be tough, macho, handy with tools, to be the defender of their family, etc.
Men need to be seen as equal partners with equal rights in raising their children. They need to be heard if they are subject to physical or verbal domestic violence, instead of having their concerns dismissed because, as men, they should be able to take it. And they deserve to have their opinions heard – in my view, at least – about so-called ‘female’ issues. We wouldn’t allow it if women were not allowed even to speak about “male” issues, so why should the opposite be true for a man?
The word ‘feminism’ has been tarred and feathered, so perhaps we do need a new word to define the belief that men and women are created equal and that they should have the same rights and opportunities. The word should describe that nothing should confine women or men to stereotyped roles and responsibilities or a conscribed view of masculinity or femininity – and that their life is theirs to live, whatever that looks like.
