It's an honour to be chosen as the best man but there are a few responsibilities that come along with the bestowment, possibly the most well known of which is the “best man speech” or more appropriately the “toast to the groom.”
I was recently handed the reins as the best man at my best friend's wedding and thought this to be the perfect opportunity to offer a few tips and thoughts on giving a great toast.
Though I will add a disclaimer: often leading up to and during the actual wedding, plenty of the liquid they call alcohol is consumed by not only the best man but almost everyone involved in the occasion. This can lead to strange observations, drastic choices and in some cases awkward additions.
Thus, as a reader, take what you wish from this guide. It may not be all true or accurate or even good advice but it's coming straight from the mouth of a guy that just pulled off a somewhat successful toast. So we'll leave it at that and go forth with the guide.
First and most importantly, scrap the speech you wrote and prepared weeks in advance. That is of no use to you any longer.
You may think you came up with great ideas and emotional refrains that will touch hearts throughout the room on that special day. But seriously, who wants that?
Once the remnants of your first speech are disposed of, gather the groomsmen the night before the rehearsal and head to the closest Japanese restaurant.
Order as much sushi and sake as the server will allow and get down to the business of hashing out ridiculous ideas for your new toast.
The more ideas, the better, since the next morning, as you sit slouched in the hairdresser's chair, it is likely you only really recall a few of those late-night gems.
Also, keep in mind,outside sources like a hairdresser can be mined for thoughts on giving a memorable toast. In my case, my hairdresser had more great ideas than the entire Wicked Awesome Idea Foundation could come up with in two months.
The day of the rehearsal is a Northern Alberta oil sands mine worth of ideas for the toast to the groom. First the hairdresser, then lunch beers with friends, then the rehearsal itself — all full of family members and close acquaintances gladly willing to offer up juicy notes on the groom that you might not already know, despite being the best man.
If, throughout the day, you can sneak away for a few minutes and can manage to make your fingers work properly, another great idea is to jot down all the great ideas you've just been bequeathed with on either a physical or virtual notepad.
Oh, and do your best to be the last person leaving the bar the night of the rehearsal so that you aren't missing out on that last morsel of toast material.
The day of the wedding comes fast and so do the drinks.
Hold it together for the ceremony. That is my best advice in this column. But after that things can get a little hairy.
First there are photos, usually a mid-afternoon event, prior to the party.
Key during a winter wedding photo shoot are flasks full of celebration-quality scotch to keep all the participants warm and the great ideas for your upcoming toast flowing.
As the evening approaches and nerves start kicking in, don't worry. They tell me that's normal for someone who has been drinking all weekend and just recently ripped up a decent speech in favour of a more improvised one.
Now it's your time to shine.
Make sure you have a full glass and remind all those in attendance. A full glass may be necessary to make it through the next five minutes.
If there is a couch involved in the wedding, sit on it. Cross one leg over the other to look sophisticated or professional or whatever. Then try to manage holding your drink, the microphone and your notes and let it fly.
I find the funnier the toast, the better. So add in all those things you may have thought might be inappropriate – they aren't, I promise.
Also, add in a couple awkward pauses and then add the phrase, “this got awkward fast” to keep things realistic.
Remember to smile. This one is key. If people think you are having a good time, they will have a good time.
Finally, don't forget to actually toast the groom and his new bride. This is even more crucial than smiling, as people always love an excuse to drink.
