Valentine’s Day is an annual way to show your love and appreciation for your better half. But how do you keep that day special when you’ve been together for decades? Three couples at LacAlta Lodge, with a combined married experience of 189 years, gave us advice on what makes a marriage last.
70 years together
Alda and Phil St. Jean were married in 1942 – which makes 70 years of marriage. Phil, 96, used to stop in and stay with Alda, 88, and her family while travelling through Lac La Biche to Wandering River. At the time, Alda was only 15 years old, but she saw something in Phil that said he was a good man to marry.
“It’s kind of funny how we met. I was only 15 and I had told my mother that he was going to be the kind of man I married,” Alda said. “I didn’t mean him literally, he just seemed my type who was kind of shy and reserved. Then he asked me out and that was that.”
Three years after they first met at Alda’s house, they got married and have been together ever since.
Phil wouldn’t have it any other way.
“She fell into my heart and stayed there,” he said. “It wasn’t hard to stay married so long. I wouldn’t do anything differently.”
But Alda said that seven decades together has meant some hard times – and some hard work.
“It’s worked for so long because we made it work,” she said. “We had our ups and downs like everybody else but we were very cooperative and took care of each other. When we got married we knew it was going to be forever.”
Alda said her biggest accomplishment in married life, other than marrying the man of her dreams, has been raising her nine children and teaching them everything she could to make sure they were able to find love and get through life on their own.
The advice Alda offers to couples these days is to never go to bed angry with each other and to talk through any problems, because at the end of the day, it’s not just a marriage – it’s a partnership.
More love advice
Another couple at LacAlta offers similar advice on lasting marriages.
John and Loveth Beniuk have been married for 59 years and their love is still going strong. Part of the long-term love affair is due to the vows they made to each other, John said.
“Long ago, when you got married, it was for good and for love, not just because it was convenient,” John said.
Loveth added that she made a sacred vow and she never intended to break it. She also said that they got together by chance.
“He was going to a baseball tournament in Saddle Lake with a car and had asked for one of the girls I was living with to go with him. Back then, not everyone had a car, so myself and the other girls asked to tag along,” Loveth said. “After the tournament, on the way back, he asked me to sit next to him instead of the other girl. I thought he was crazy because he had asked this other girl out. I was shocked, but I sat next to him anyways. We have been together ever since.”
She said that he worked very hard to keep the family going, especially after she had kids and stopped working at the bank, which paid a lot of money back then. But for Loveth, his hard work and love for his family is one of the reasons they have stayed together for long.
Despite his long hours of work, Loveth noted that one of the most romantic things they ever did together was take a trip to Jamaica.
“It wasn’t for an anniversary or anything, it was just a trip,” she said. “It was beautiful and like paradise. It was our first trip and our first trip away from the kids. I felt special because I didn’t have to cook or clean.”
For John, having children was something romantic that Loveth did for him.
“There is a lot to choose from, so many romantic things, but the most romantic was having kids,” John said. “It has been a good life.”
Another thing that John says is the key to a strong marriage is working through problems and being honest and open with each other. Loveth added that with honesty comes forgiveness, and that marriages are a lot of give-and-take.
“You have to take things with a grain of salt or you’ll always hold a grudge instead of love for each other,” she said. “Nobody is perfect.”
Love at first sight
For another couple at the lodge, it was an instant attraction between them and a love that has lasted since their eyes met.
“I went to a dance in Atmore and my eyes were instantly pulled and drawn over to him – I was thunderstruck,” Olga Bourassa said about her husband of 60 years, Albert.
Albert said it was a similar experience for him when he met his wife, who was just his type.
“She was not shy, she was talkative and very pretty,” he said. “We got married shortly after and the day after the wedding, we fixed up a place and a life together.”
Albert added that he strongly believes in marriage and that people should get married instead of just living together forever.
“It’s a vow you make to each other,” he said. “My advice is to always get married and don’t shack up. It’s not easy and it’s tough, but it’s good too and important.”
Another thing that Albert says is key to a lasting love is being patient and caring with one another.
“Always be honest and understanding with each other. Be patient and kind and don’t take things for granted,” Albert said.
Olga said her husband has always been kind. he has regularly done things for her that she never even asked him to do, which means a lot to her.
“It’s not always what he does, but how he does it and when,” she said. “He always has done kind things for me and it’s things I never had to ask for. He just did them”
She added that marriage is hard, but there is a lot to be thankful for. She said the most important key is to always talk problems through.
“There were a lot of hard times and time you want to give up, but in the end those hard times make the bond together strong if you just work through the issue.” Olga said. “Life is not always better across the fence.”
