It’s been 18 years since a group of people witnessed a traumatic event that would leave a lasting effect on their lives – the accidental drowning of their brother, and friend, Darcy.
After his death, Darcy’s sister Vanessa battled deep depression, turning to drugs and alcohol in an attempt to help her grieve, along with experiencing nightmares and anxiety. But, Vanessa is now opening up about the traumatizing experience, in hopes of encouraging other young people to be cautious when they are out having a good time.
With her own daughter now in Grade 9, Vanessa spoke to junior high students during this year’s PARTY (Prevent Alcohol and Risk-related program Trauma in Youth) program, on May 16, in St. Paul.
While Vanessa’s family’s story has been shared at the PARTY program in the past, and a video of Darcy’s drowning has been shown to students, this was the first time Vanessa decided to speak to students personally.
“I wanted to speak at the program this year because my oldest daughter is in Grade 9, and I really was not much older than her when the accident happened,” said Vanessa, after the presentation.
And her message was simple: “I wanted to tell them that it’s OK to have fun, but it shouldn’t come at a cost of losing your life.”
Vanessa was just 18-years-old when the video footage of her brother’s death was captured.
“I was getting ready for graduation. It was two weeks away,” she recalled, in a story she wrote and read out loud to students.
“That day of the accident was normal. I was happy to be included by my older brother because it never happened too much. I was the little sister who was the tag-along.”
The siblings were at their grandma’s house when they decided to go to Floating Stone Lake to try out a friend’s new sea-doo.
Being early spring, “we didn’t know how cold the water really was, so they wore rubber boots, rain suits and sweaters. We didn’t think of life jackets,” wrote Vanessa.
The boys took turns on the sea-doo, and the group was all laughing and having a great time at the lake.
“Darcy was the type of guy who liked to joke around and have fun. We all knew what he was going to do. He was making waves, trying to knock (a friend) off the sea-doo. He ended up hitting a wave wrong, and they both flew off,” said Vanessa.
While the friend was able to swim back to the sea-doo, Darcy’s clothes and boots filled up with water. They became too heavy for him to swim anywhere.
“He went under once, resurfaced a couple seconds later, and went under again. That was the last time we all saw Darcy alive.”
Another friend attempted to dive in the water, but was losing feeling in his hands and feet.
“He was so cold, he couldn’t find him,” recalls Vanessa, adding, that friend could have also died due to hypothermia, but thankfully didn’t.
Another friend hurried to call 911 at a nearby payphone.
In a panic, Vanessa ended up leaving the scene with a woman at the lake, and taking her brother’s truck, even though she didn’t have a driver’s license. She recalls jumping out of the truck at one point, while the vehicle was still in gear, “crying and yelling frantically about what just happened.”
Vanessa was taken to her parents’ house, where she told them what was going on, and the family returned to the lake.
“When we arrived at the lake, my parents said it didn’t feel real. There were police, ambulances everywhere. Search and Rescue were combing the lake for Darcy. My parents were told that if they found Darcy in three hours or less, he might have been OK. STARS ambulance was on stand-by as well.”
As the hours passed, Vanessa remembers her mom screaming, and everyone crying and in shock. A few days later, less than an hour before the search would be called off for good, Darcy’s body was found.
“Instead of helping my brother look for an apartment or house, my parents had to pick out a casket, and they had to plan a funeral instead,” wrote Vanessa.
She admitted that after the accident, her own life “was spiraling out of control.” She starting drinking and doing drugs, hoping it would help the pain go away.
And Vanessa wasn’t alone in her struggles. Her other brother also turned to alcohol, and at one point almost killed himself and a friend in a car accident.
“We all thought we could handle the grief on our own. Over time, my mom pushed my brother Kevin and I away . . . We all had to find our way back.”
She adds that, “Finally, we got the help we needed, pulled together as a family, and were able to deal with the loss in a better manner.”
The family had decided to share the video of Darcy’s drowning with youth through the PARTY program in hopes that it would teach them about dangers that exist around the water, to be safe when operating any watercraft, and to wear the appropriate gear.
“I now visit Darcy at his grave. He should be alive today, because we should have made better choices that Saturday. If my brother Darcy can save one person’s life, he is doing his job of teaching.”
While Vanessa encourages people to have fun doing the things they enjoy, she also encouraged them to take the time to make smart decisions, and to be responsible. She also warned students never to think this type of accident can’t happen to them, because it can.
After she shared her story, students at the PARTY program watched the video of the drowning.
“That was the first time that I had seen it since the accident as well,” said Vanessa. She added that she did hear feedback from students, through her daughter, who said the story really hit home for them.
Mariette Mahe, one of the local PARTY Program coordinators, noted that Vanessa did a great job of speaking to students this year. She added that one of the reasons the organization chose to switch to a spring presentation was to be able to spread its message just prior to grad season, boating season, and the outdoor partying season that comes every spring and summer.
“We keep presenting the PARTY program because we believe it is working with our youth,” said Mahe, when speaking of the ongoing efforts of the program. “We have no way of measuring to see if it is working, but we believe it does, and if we have prevented one tragedy, it means the world to us.”
It’s common to see students shed a few tears during the day, says Mahe.
“We know it is hitting them pretty hard. And crying is OK with us.”
